Maybe, Maybe Not

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Who hasn't been asked this question? The proper answer...or so I thought, were “Teacher”, “Police Officer”, “Doctor”. To be someone who gave of themselves to others with long hours, deadlines and rushing around. Now don’t get me wrong, these careers are important and a passion for many and I respect those who are all of the above and more. But for me, my passion never seemed to fit the “mold”.

All I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a wife and a mother; A woman who gave of herself with long hours, deadlines and rushing around to her home and family. I have also wanted to be an artist of some form; Painter, Writer, Photographer, Chef. Something creative that touches someone’s heart or evokes an emotion of any kind in someone’s soul.

A few years back I had the privilege to stay at home and not have to work a full time job. I wrote, cooked, and photographed whatever I saw as inspiration. I had several articles published on Christian Websites, I was a regular columnist for a “How-To” site, and even won a photography contest taking home 2^nd place. I was the happiest me I could be.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I had to go back to the hours, deadlines and rushing in a work environment. Thankfully God placed me in a job that has afforded me many opportunities I never dreamed possible for myself. I get to create. I get to photograph, design, and more. I love love love my job. I LOVE IT!!!!

So why do I feel as if something is missing? I believe it is because I am doing all the things I love, just not in a way that I love. I am giving my creativity to others, but not in a way that makes me feel as if I am touching someone’s core being. Because I can’t afford not to work and receive a steady income I must work a “9-5”. I think I have felt that I don’t have the time to give of myself creatively in a way that makes me happy because I give so much during the day. I think I make excuses.

All of this is about to change. As a matter of fact, I am already taking the necessary steps to make this change happen for myself. Yesterday I submitted a piece to a publishing company; a Company that I submitted work to 5 years ago. I was never picked up. I may not be picked up now. However, it felt DELICIOUS in my soul to hit “send” on that email.

Today, I contacted a company that I used to have a regular position with submitting work. I didn’t get paid for my work then, and I probably won’t now….if they even decide to let me back in their awesome world. That doesn’t matter to me. It would just feel amazing to create for myself and hopefully inspire someone else. (Bonus…you have to submit photos with your entries! Two loves in one)

Regardless if neither submission goes through for me, I did it. I took the time for myself to do something I feel passionate about. I wrote and I submitted! Toes crossed and big prayers sent up.