Friday, January 29, 2016

Without Regard

Two of the most memorable events in my life (one life changing) held no recognition of skin color.
Saturday, May 9, 2015 was the first event. I am 36 years of age and have been trying for a child since 2002. God never saw fit for me to be a mother during this time. I was married from 2002-2013 and we never had children. I so desperately wanted them, though. Friends and even strangers all around me were having children. I watched as their children were turning 2, then 4, then 12 and on and on; all this while I longed deeply for that mother/child bond. I have to be honest and say that I would get upset with God from time to time.

In 2014 I re-married. I began experiencing some female issues shortly after and was in and out of the doctor’s office. In early May 2015 I was told I would need to see a surgeon. I scheduled an appointment. On May 9, 2015 I was with my spouse in Rite-Aid. I did not feel like getting out that day. I remember so well that all I wanted to do was lie around and watch movies. He really wanted me to go with him and I couldn’t say no to those puppy dog eyes he gives me so I pulled my hair back and walked out the door…dreadfully.

I was looking at the nail polish colors when someone put their hand on my back.

“You’re not a mother.” She said

“No, I’m not.” I replied as I turned to see who was addressing me.

Before me was a beautiful older black woman with the BRIGHTEST blue eyes I have ever seen in my life; her eyes literally took my breath away.

“You’re not a mother, but you’re going to have a great Mother’s Day.” She went on.
(Me to myself – who is this woman?)

We settle into a polite conversation when suddenly she touches my stomach and says:
“You have a lot of problems going on inside of you. Doctors are going to want to run tests and remove things from you.” She explained. “Do NOT let them!” she said with conviction.
“Doctors aren’t always right.” She proceeded. “You just pray and God will handle your female issues and just don’t let anyone touch you surgically.”

Now as she is saying all of this I am standing in awe. My husband, Brandon, walks up and gives me this look like “Why are you telling this woman all of your business, do you know her?” My eyes answer “I’m just as confused as you are!”

All I can do is keep saying “Yes ma’am, yes ma’am.”

She then hugs me and begins to pray as she touches my stomach, asking God to heal me and to give me a child. She tells Him that I have longed for one many years while asking God to bless Brandon and me both with a child, even if it is twins.

Peaceful, teary eyed and confused I say “Thank you.” And look to my husband who is holding back tears. She tells us goodbye and says “Don’t worry, the next time I see you, you will be walking hand in hand with your child, or twins.” And she winks.

"Did you see her eyes! They were so blue!!" my husband said.

I sit in complete shock in the car on the way home and as soon as I hit the door to my house, I collapse and sob for all the years I wanted a positive pregnancy test. I sobbed for the hope I had given up on. I sobbed for the hope springing forth in my heart like a well. I simply sobbed.

In July/August I had more problems and the appointment with the surgeon had passed, I didn’t go. I NEEDED to go, the doctor informed me. I told him “not just yet.” The end of September came and I was so extremely overwhelmed with work and everything going on that I needed to just get away with my husband. We spent a weekend in a nearby town and relaxed. Even so, I still felt easily agitated and irritable. I felt sick and had this overall feeling of the blahs. I couldn’t shake it.

We proceeded with our hectic schedules and life resumed as normal. I was still feeling fatigued and drained, feeling ill. Finally one night while shopping, on a whim, I grabbed a test. I fully believed it would be negative, but if you are a woman, you know Murphy’s Law or Aunt Flow’s Law as well as I do and when you are ready for things to get going, you understand that buying a test almost always leads to what you need to happen. It had been that way for me since 2002 anyway, as my tests were always negative and then immediately I would have my friendly reminder that I wasn’t “with child.”

So at home I took the test and for the 1st time in 13 years, I walked away from it. In the past I had always hovered and begged, pleaded, prayed and then cried or threw the test when it said “negative”. So I just walked out and proceeded with my nightly routine. After some time passed, I went into the bathroom and saw the test there on the tub. “Oh yeah” I thought. I bent to look at it.


For the first time in my 36 years I was completely speechless and had not one single thought. I am currently almost 22 weeks with 1 child. Not twins as what I like to call the “Angel” said may happen. Although I did think it would be…what with the wink and all and saying she would see us with our child, or twins ;)

I asked the Cashier that day before leaving if she knew that nice lady and she advised “No, I never saw her before.”

That encounter will always be something that I carry with me. It will always be a precious moment in time I will never forget and will always be grateful for.

Another event occurred just yesterday. Yesterday was just a BAD day…all around. I left work and headed to the store. I got in line behind an older, grey haired gentleman. There was no cashier.

“She’s gone, but will be back.” He said.

We smiled and talked for a moment. I can’t recall why…unless I just like to shout it into the world, but I told him I was expecting. He came and hugged me and got as excited as my friends and family did when I told them. We began talking and he started speaking blessings over me and my child. Eventually the conversation turned into a comedy as he was hysterical and had me laughing so hard I was crying and everyone was looking.

During this time a woman and the cashier came back. I asked the woman if this man was her father, and he was. I told her “He is an awesome man!”

She was finished with her transaction, but her dad wouldn’t leave my side. As we stood there, he began telling me funny stories and talking about my pregnancy glow as he unloaded my cart. Now, this may not seem like anything significant, but I always look for a way to help others at the store or in line anywhere. I let people break, I help unload, I pay for their milk and bread, etc.

No one ever assists me at the store. Not that I keep record, but when someone begins to give of themselves so selflessly, it resonates. It is something you remember.

I told him that he needed to go with his daughter, but they were both insistent that he stay and help me. I was grateful.

These two moments in my life were brief but left a lasting impact. And it showed me that people who truly care for one another do not see skin color. In today’s society where almost daily something concerning racism comes across my phone, computer or television set, it was so refreshing to share memorable, fun, compassionate moments with someone else that included laughter, hugs, and even hands placed on my belly without regard once to skin color.

May you bless or be blessed by someone today and not once give thought to the color of their skin.