My Camera Looks Unprofessional

I am getting excited. My photography side business is gaining a little speed. I just shot my first wedding a few weeks ago and let me tell you, I was nervous. First, I am not a professional and I don’t claim to be. Second, I really don’t have the equipment necessary to shoot weddings. My camera is old and small and I know when people see me pull it out, they think…seriously? I mean, I have a hard enough time photographing family and friends with this old contraption and know they think…huh; especially at birthday parties where my mad skills are requested. Half of the guests there pull out a bigger, more expensive camera than I have. Even at this wedding I just shot, there was a guest there snapping pictures that I really wanted to snag, but thought it would be rude.

However, once I began to edit these photos, I realized that I do have mad skills. (toot toot) Editing pictures for me is really the best part of photography. Not that I don’t love the one on one time I get to spend with my clients, I absolutely do. It is just that I can turn on my music and dive into a world of my own when I edit and to me, it is therapy.

I just created my first Wedding Package pricing guide and sent it to someone who saw my pictures from the wedding I just did and like them. Hey, seems my little camera is pretty awesome. (side note: I did borrow my sisters much cooler camera and used it as well. So I did look a little more professional)

I think my pricing sheets should come with a disclaimer that says “Warning: does not look like a professional. Your camera or your guest’s camera probably shoots better than mine. However, I rock at editing, so don’t worry.” (toot toot)

Here are a few images from the wedding:

I have a birthday party coming up tomorrow that I am going to capture for a great friend. I am excited to document her daughters day for her. So yeah, just wanted to share that I am enjoying the increase in business. Check out my Facebook page if you are ever interested in scheduling a session with me. 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/RWCaptures-Photography/130242513680329?ref=br_tf

Tears, Fun and Rebellion

Why am I am emotional basket case lately? Like, seriously….why? So this weekend I was looking forward to all of the rest, no stress fun that I was going to have. I actually got to sleep in a little bit on Saturday and even had time for a nap! YAY!! But wait…the nap came after hours of being sick from my stupid IBS that flares up when I decide to stay up a little later the night before and munch on junk I know I shouldn’t be eating.

So, okay…I did it to myself. Doesn’t make it any easier, though.

Anyway, after being sick pretty much all day, crying from being sick all day and then passing out from pure pain and exhaustion, I readied myself for the two week planned date with my man. Dinner and a performance at our local theatre.  DINNER…after a full day of being sick.

Unseasoned grilled fish and grits were on the menu. $4.95 for a small piece of fish that I downed in .2 seconds. Yum!

So after getting our meal 5 minutes before we planned to leave the restaurant, we downed our food and headed to The Rylander for “The Squirm Burpee Circus” (not to be confused with what I had been experiencing ALL day.) I was actually really excited and things were looking up. I had held in my dinner. YES!!

We find our seats, settle in and the show begins. We listen to a nice introduction by an extremely adorable, cute woman who advises us there is to be no flash photography. Okay…so no FLASH photography. I can handle that. I will just turn off the flash on my phone and snap maybe 3-4 pictures throughout the show for the scrapbook of fun my boyfriend and I want to create together. I slyly take out my phone and 1,2,3 SNAP (no flash)…lay back down.

The woman beside me says, “I don’t know how to turn the flash off on my phone. Will you help me so I can take pictures, too?”  I agree to assist her. However, as she grabs her phone she notices it is turned off and says “Never mind, when I turn it back on it will make noise. Wish I would’ve asked you sooner.”

I grin because I am so smart and I thought to turn my flash off and leave my phone on. Go ME!!!!

After the third picture is taken, this lady…this extremely adorable, cute lady from before appears as if from nowhere. MAD. Not just a little upset, but MAD. With this look on her face that says to me “Rachel, you are 5 years old and just got caught marking the walls with permanent marker.” She says to me through gritted teeth and a pointed finger. “Please put the phone away.” As fast as she comes in, she is out.

Now an extremely levelheaded person who has not been emotional for the past few days nor has spent the day doing her own “Sqiurm Burpee” would have been like…pssshhh…whatever…okay…GEEZ! Me, no…not me. Me, well I pout. I think, but what about all these other people who have been doing it? Laughter surrounds me, people are watching the performance and clapping, boyfriend is nudging me when something hysterical happens and all I see are the tears filling my eyes begging not to escape and make look like an idiot.

Seriously! Why am I this upset? I am a grown woman!!

Finally, a few tears come as the lady in the seat beside me looks at me all “I’m glad I didn't get you to turn off my flash!” MORE tears. My loving boyfriend wraps his arm around me and asks if I am okay. I pretend I am not crying and smile for him because he is having such a wonderful time. All I can do is sit there and think to myself how silly I am for being this upset. I am thinking how I am wasting a perfect evening and money at that by feeling hurt.

After about five minutes of sulking, I come back to reality. I wipe my tears determined to enjoy the show. And I did enjoy the show. It was funny and a lot of fun, too. I look at my phone and see I have gotten several good pictures that extremely adorable, cute but MAD lady can’t take away from me. She also can’t take away the laughter or my boyfriend reaching for my hand or the fact that I look really cute tonight despite my day.

(Side note: I just want to say that I in no way blame this lady for my emotional incompetence, as she was just doing her job. She played a small part in my insanity. I know we have to do as we are required. This being said, maybe for the future she can just say NO photography allowed, instead of no FLASH photography)

So here world…here is proof of my rebellion in a non-flash photography kind of way...

It's Time To Get Real

So I've decided to be real and to be me. To be the real me that God made me to be. To be the me that is messy, sloppy, has bad morning breath, hates sucking in. To be the me that has split ends and acne at almost 35 years of age. To be the me that bloats from all foods and all drinks and belches better than any man who just downed a six pack of beer.

I have decided to document my life when I feel like it, because let’s be honest…I start a whole lot that I never even finish. I fall in love with many ideas and creations often and then tire myself of them. Like that song you hear that you love and listen to repeatedly until you finally have had enough. In reality, this may be a total waste of my time and yours because I probably won’t ever come back and write another blog…like, ever.

To let everyone know that yes, I prefer to be alone. I don’t really care for girl’s night out…I would much rather you come over to my house and let’s chit chat, eat yummy,  bad –for- us- foods and then you can leave or stay…whichever. Just don’t make me get out. To show you all that yes, I hate the fact that I weighed 98 pounds in high school and am much bigger now, but just don’t have the motivation to do anything about it. I love food and at times loathe my body…but I just don’t care. (until swimsuit season)

To let you all know that I hurt physically, like…almost every day. That I get tired of pretending I am okay and feel fine. That I would much rather stay home and clean, cook, be creative with photography, drawing and painting… and have the option to rest/nap whenever my body told me I needed it,  than I would to have a normal job. That my dream is to be that woman one day; the stay at home wife (maybe even mother). And I so wish that tomorrow was the first day of that life. In the meantime, I have to say that I am so thankful for the job I have now. It allows me the option of working from home on days I am really not well and it allows a creative outlet for me. It really is the best job I have ever had...until I can be the "at home" woman. 

To share that I am so sick of the lack of sleep I get. Not because I can't sleep...but because I dream, toss, turn and snore all night every night. I wake up so much more tired than when I went to bed. That it takes me longer to get ready in the morning than most people. Not because I spend forever to get dressed and dolled up, but because I have to wake up with coffee, games, devotionals, and allow my body time to warm up and release the tension and pain I feel upon waking. 

To let you know that I can’t stand people’s blatant meanness, jealousy or ignorance… That I have a difficult time with “letting it go”. To put it out there that I can’t stand when people are so negative ALL…THE…TIME! That people can be so miserable and then put it off on me or take it out on me. UGH! Gets me crazy!!

 To share that I don’t care about sentence structure or proper usage of punctuation marks. Honestly, I had to ask someone what you even call “periods, comma’s, exclamation points, etc…” because I couldn’t remember the word “punctuation”. To show you through my writing that all due to my brother, I use “…”(dot, dot, dot) all the time now, even when I shouldn’t. I can’t even type a proper sentence now because of him. It is all he ever uses and it rubbed off on me.

And interruptions, wow…they really get under my skin and since writing this, I have been interrupted 4 times.

To let you all know that when I went through my divorce, most of the people I thought would be here for me were not and people I never expected to be here for me…were. That I rarely received calls and texts to check on me from those I love the most and that it really opened my eyes. That although I hurt and cried and was in the most intense pain, ever…I survived. That even though I still love my ex and always will, and I never want to disrespect him or what we shared...I am now in the happiest, healthiest relationship of my life. That I can’t even begin to describe the love he and I have for one another and that the honest, open, trusting and loving bond we share blows my mind every…single…day!!! 

So there you have it. I could seriously go on and on. I am flawed and messy, random and maybe even have ADHD as I re-read what I wrote and it jumps around so much, as I do. I am so tired of the perfect personas I see every day online, in magazines, on TV and in movies. I want to embrace my kooky, could-stand-to-loose-a-few-pounds-but-love-food-too-much messiness because me being messy, means God has to clean those spots. And I want Him to. I want to admit to it so that He can work on me from the inside out.